straight from the heart…(tere bin)

No I am not sad. Neither am i depressed. I am not feeling anything. Is that possible?! But it feels so. There is this void in me. 

I was sitting quietly. And all of a sudden, the haunting words of the song “tere bin” echoed in my mind. I didnt pay too much attention to it. I have promised myself that i shall not wallow in my grief. So there i was trying my best to get the song out of my mind. I have been trying to get rid of it for the past few day but as usual i was unsuccessful.

Here i am now, i finally gave in the temptation to listen to the song once. But once was enough to break the dam of memories down.  The questions , the anguish , the heartache, all came rushing back to me.  This song makes me weep uncontrollably. Evevry line wrenches my heart out.  How dare I live a life without him? I have promised myself to him. i have pledged my body, my mind, my heart, my soul,my life to him. He was my world. He was the reason for my living. I have loved only one man in my life. and it was him! I strongly believe that love happens only once. True love, that is. It’s a once in a lifetime phenomenon. It doesnt happen twice. N it wont happen at least not in my life. The intensity, the depth of my feelings cant be matched. It saddens me to think that i am unable to love with the same intensity as i loved him. But I am glad that the ravages of time wont diminish my feelings for him. That he would always be there in my heart. U can move out from my life, Ashi. But u cant stop me from loving u. neither can u take my memories away from me. U cant press “delete” and erase traces of u from my mind, from my life.

I hope/ wish that someday our paths will cross and we would meet again. Rushing towards our respective destinations and suddenly out of nowhere we would meet. serendipity… I love this word. We would meet. Again…

tere bin main yun kaise jiya

kaise jiya tere bin

tere bin main yun kaise jiya

kaise jiya tere bin

lekar yaad teri raaten meri kati  

mujhse baaten teri karti hai chaandani

tanha hai tujh bin raaten meri 

din mere din ke jaise nahi

tanha badan tanha hai ruh nam meri aankhen rahe

aaja mere ab rubaru

jeena nahi bin tere

tere bin main yun kaise jiya

kaise jiya tere bin

tere bin main yun kaise jiya

kaise jiya tere bin

kabse aankhen meri raah mein tere bichhi  

bhule se hi kahi tu mil jaaye kabhi

bhule na mujhse baaten teri

bheegi hai har pal aankhen meri

kyun saans loon kyun main jiyu

jeena bura sa lage

kyun ho gaya tu bewafaaa mujhko bata de wajah

tere bin main yun kaise jiya

kaise jiya tere bin ...

tere bin main yun kaise jiya

kaise jiya tere bin ...

Feeling Blue!

Hello people! I hope u all r doing well. Sorry I have been neglecting my blog for so long. But frankly speaking, didnt feel like writing anything. Anyway, I am back with a BANG! (heh heh heh) YEAH I know I crack pathetic jokes!

So where was I hiding? Hmm… I wasnt hiding. Well maybe I was. I donno. The thing is I was trying to sort my life. It’s a complete mess. I donno why I let people walk all over me! Yeah Ashi’s back! He says he loves me. (roll my eyes) The weird thing is that. A part of me is sceptical about his declarations of love. The other part, the naive gullible, stupid part of me believes him! (sigh) I seriously think something is wrong with my head! i need to get my head checked and eyes too. I mean here is this guy, telling me over n over again that at the end of the day he wud always be the dutiful son of his parents, yet I am all over him and cant get him out of my mind, nor my life.  Deep inside my heart that what i am doing is utter madness. He is being selfish! He wants me. But he wont go against his parents. His parents r against inter community marriages! Bloddy hell!!! And I had such high opinion abt his parents. I had put Ashi on such a high pedestal. I thought he would have the courage to stand up for me.

 But nahin ! They r old and they need him.

Wat abt me damn it! Dont I need u? Do u all feel I am the one who’s being selfish? I am confused and feeling oh so lonely and lost!!! I just want to cry my heart out at the injustice! Why is life so unfair? Do I deserve all this? Wat have I ever done to deserve this? Questions filling up my mind, swimming in the jumbled thoughts…