Happy Holi, my baby! May the colors of Holi fill ur life with all the love and joy! I am sure one day wen we wud be together again, i wud again play Holi. 🙂 I know a day will come wen we wud be together. We broke up on Holi. But i know, we wud make up again very soon. And then maybe some day we wud be playing Holi together.
aaoge jab tum o saajana – 2
angana phool khilenge
barsega saawan, barsega saawan jhoom jhoomke
do dil aise milenge
aaoge jab tum o saajana, angana phool khilenge
naina tere kajraare hai, naino pe hum dil haare hai
anjaane hi tere naino ne waade kiye kayi saare hai
saanson ki lay madham chalein, tose gaye
(barasega saawan – 2) jhoom jhoomke, do dil aise milenge
aaoge jab tum ho saajana, angana phool khilenge
chanda ko taaku raaton mein, hai zindagi tere haanthon mein
palkon pe jhilmil taarein hain, aana bhari barsaaton mein
sapnon ka jahaan, hoga kela kela
(barasega saawan – 2) jhoom jhoomke, do dil aise milenge
Ah! Finally a song i can relate to. nowdays i seldom come across a song i can relate to. most of them r all rubbish! not worth mentioning. For u often forget them in few hrs/days. I heard this wonderful song frm “Shaurya” ah i know u ppl might have have heard of this movie coz it doesnt star big names and it lacks glitz and glamour of a typical hindi commercial cimena, but trust me guys this is such a romantic one. no flashy incredible promises! The emotions expressed r quite real. U might have actually felt them wen u might have fallen in love. Or u might wen u do. And believe me everyone does! no one can escape it. It sweeps in to ur life unexpectedly, catches u off guard and make an indelible impression in ur heart. 🙂
Well, it was true at least in my case. I fell in love one fine evening, wen i had the least plans of falling in love. I was just having a god time with my frnds, talking , laughing, dancing, wen suddenly i see this stranger who has been observing me n my “antics” (his words not mine). And like every beautiful girl i played hard too get, ignoring him, though it was Difficult to ignore him for he was interested in and made it quite obvious to everyone! so it was like a “hands off” signal to others! He was constantly pursuing me, was being playful with me. And at the end of the nite, i was hook line and sinker attracted to him. No i didnt think i was in love with him the. I am not one of those love in fisrt sight types! heh heh heh Anyway, i went home, and found myself constantly thinking abt him. Next day i cudnt concentrate on a single class in my college. I was dying to see him again. To confess honestly, i had a wonderful time with him, infact one of the best times of my life. I always have a gr8 time with him. 🙂 Anyway, i went back to that same place again in the evening. i was hoping he wud come. it was uttrely foolish thing! i mean i took something playing quite seriously. and might have been seriously disappointed and wud have been mocked, had he not come again. Yep! He did come again. And we talked. this time i wasnt playing hard to get. I was floored! completely! We spent time together talking, laughing, dancing. And then we went away. Surprisingly! He continued to come there and wait for me. After a while we decided we had enuf of this cat and dog games and we decided to be serious, in the sense that we began to meet at other places, quiter ones 4 cup of coffe, to discuss life, hobbies… the usual. I had no idea wen i fell in love with him. Just one fine day i realized that its no less than a torture staying away frm him, and tht i cudnt bear the fact of him taking me as a mere casula fling! i marched upto him, confessed that i was hopelessly in love with him and that i knew he had no such feelings for me. So i decided to end the relationship for there was no hope of his falling in love with me. I told him that i was leaving and ending this watever we had, but it wasnt exactly a relationship. neither were we frnds! He continued asking me the reason for abrupt ending of something which was so beautiful. i refused to answer him for i didnt want to show how weak my situation was. We women always aim for an upper hand, right?! anyway, he kept pestering me. and i finally confessed. he was astounded. he didnt know wat to do. asked me to give him some time becoz he wasnt ready to let me go. i told him it wasnt possible for he didnt love me. He requested some time to analyse his feelings coz on one hand he said he didnt think of me in that sense nad on other he didnt want me to leave. I gave him some time. but kept away frm himself. and thankfully he realized he had some feelings for me, though not tenatious love but something on the way to something akin to love. 🙂
[Tara tara ra ra ra
Turu ruru ru ra ra]2Koi Aarzoo geet ga to rahi hai
Magar dheere dheere hoooo
Magar dheere dheere
ummmm
Meri zindagi mein tu aa to rahi hai
Magar dheere dheere hoooooo
Magar dheere dheere
hoooo
Magar dheere dheere
hoooooooo
[Jage jage na jane kaise hai yeh armaan
ho Lamhe lamhe dil mein nache jaise pariya ]
Reshmi si hawayen aate jate Sunaye
Chahat ki ek daastan
Magar dheere dheere ho
Magar dheere dheere dheere dheere.
Koi Aarzoo geet ga to rahi hai
Magar dheere dheere hoooo
Magar dheere dheere..
[Haule haule bane hai kaise afsane
ho
Khoye khoye mile hai kaise anjane]2
Laga raha hai abb aise
koi kehta ho jaise
badle sara sama
Magar Dheere Dheere
hoo hoho ho
Magar Dheere Dheere
Magar Dheere Dheere
Koi Aarzoo geet ga to rahi hai
Magar dheere dheere hoooo
Magar dheere dheere.
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can’t look down
If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to
A place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
heya ppl! wassup? hope u all r doing gr8! and i really really do hope that u ppl might have missed me, a little perhaps? (looks hopefully at ur faces) wat? No!!! u ppl didnt miss me? not even an iota? how terrible of u all! ( ahem, i think shudnt be making such comments for i guess shall lose watever lill readers i have heh heh heh) nway, it seems absence doesnt really make the heart grow fonder. I always seem to have this prob.I mean wen Ashi n I broke up i thought that perhaps he wud miss me enuf to come back to me. But alas! Glass dreams never come true, they just shatter in the lite of painful reality.
But my frnds have been advising me to move on and this blog is my emotional journey. The entire past, present n future is laid bare b4 ur eyes. A frnd of mine used to advise me against laying my heart bare in front of strangers. But I think the fact that ppl reading r strangers help me outpouring my feelings n emotions. I dont need to pretend that i have 4gotten him and that he lies safely in the darkest most remotest part of my heart. Coz It isnt true. He is here, always near me. He rules me, my heart! He is my world. The sun , moon, stars of my universe.
I donno if i have previously mentioned this song, but even if i had, its worth listening to it again right? Well i will be leaving u guys with a very sad but beautiful song called ” Vincent ” by Don McLean. it always brings tears into my eyes. Cant help myself frm shedding few tears. It’s such a profound song. Hope u all will enjoy it as much as i did. So all those ppl who feel that u r a fish out of water, or that ppl never understand u, hey! dont get depressed, each one of us is a genius in our own way. cherr up! I for myself draw consolation frm these lines
“For they could not love you but still your love was true …”
Starry
starry night
paint your palette blue and grey
look out on a summer’s day
with eyes that know the
darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and the daffodils
catch the breeze and the winter chills
in colors on the snowy linen land.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how
perhaps they’ll listen now.
Starry
starry night
flaming flo’rs that brightly blaze
swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent’s eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain
weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist’s
loving hand.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
perhaps they’ll listen now.
For they could not love you
but still your love was true
and when no hope was left in sight on that starry
starry night.
You took your life
as lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never
meant for one
as beautiful as you.
Starry
starry night
portraits hung in empty halls
frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes
that watch the world and can’t forget.
Like the stranger that you’ve met
the ragged men in ragged clothes
the silver thorn of bloddy rose
lie crushed and broken
on the virgin snow.
And now I think I know what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they’re not
list’ning still
perhaps they never will.
No I am not sad. Neither am i depressed. I am not feeling anything. Is that possible?! But it feels so. There is this void in me.
I was sitting quietly. And all of a sudden, the haunting words of the song “tere bin” echoed in my mind. I didnt pay too much attention to it. I have promised myself that i shall not wallow in my grief. So there i was trying my best to get the song out of my mind. I have been trying to get rid of it for the past few day but as usual i was unsuccessful.
Here i am now, i finally gave in the temptation to listen to the song once. But once was enough to break the dam of memories down. The questions , the anguish , the heartache, all came rushing back to me. This song makes me weep uncontrollably. Evevry line wrenches my heart out. How dare I live a life without him? I have promised myself to him. i have pledged my body, my mind, my heart, my soul,my life to him. He was my world. He was the reason for my living. I have loved only one man in my life. and it was him! I strongly believe that love happens only once. True love, that is. It’s a once in a lifetime phenomenon. It doesnt happen twice. N it wont happen at least not in my life. The intensity, the depth of my feelings cant be matched. It saddens me to think that i am unable to love with the same intensity as i loved him. But I am glad that the ravages of time wont diminish my feelings for him. That he would always be there in my heart. U can move out from my life, Ashi. But u cant stop me from loving u. neither can u take my memories away from me. U cant press “delete” and erase traces of u from my mind, from my life.
I hope/ wish that someday our paths will cross and we would meet again. Rushing towards our respective destinations and suddenly out of nowhere we would meet. serendipity… I love this word. We would meet. Again…
Hello people! I hope u all r doing well. Sorry I have been neglecting my blog for so long. But frankly speaking, didnt feel like writing anything. Anyway, I am back with a BANG! (heh heh heh) YEAH I know I crack pathetic jokes!
So where was I hiding? Hmm… I wasnt hiding. Well maybe I was. I donno. The thing is I was trying to sort my life. It’s a complete mess. I donno why I let people walk all over me! Yeah Ashi’s back! He says he loves me. (roll my eyes) The weird thing is that. A part of me is sceptical about his declarations of love. The other part, the naive gullible, stupid part of me believes him! (sigh) I seriously think something is wrong with my head! i need to get my head checked and eyes too. I mean here is this guy, telling me over n over again that at the end of the day he wud always be the dutiful son of his parents, yet I am all over him and cant get him out of my mind, nor my life. Deep inside my heart that what i am doing is utter madness. He is being selfish! He wants me. But he wont go against his parents. His parents r against inter community marriages! Bloddy hell!!! And I had such high opinion abt his parents. I had put Ashi on such a high pedestal. I thought he would have the courage to stand up for me.
But nahin ! They r old and they need him.
Wat abt me damn it! Dont I need u? Do u all feel I am the one who’s being selfish? I am confused and feeling oh so lonely and lost!!! I just want to cry my heart out at the injustice! Why is life so unfair? Do I deserve all this? Wat have I ever done to deserve this? Questions filling up my mind, swimming in the jumbled thoughts…
Conversation Among The Ruins 