I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can’t look down
If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to
A place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
heh heh heh this song reminds me of all those times wen we used to fight like anything. He used to tease me 4 my lack of techie knowledge. Infact he teased me for my naivity. My nickname was “DODO”! 🙂 I remember he wud message me wen i am in class n ask ,” is my little dodo still in class?” I mean it was kind of endearment. i used to get so mad wen he used to call me his little DODO!
I knew i wasnt too worldly, and that i was literally a DODO wen it came to technology! i mean its very embarrassing but yes i cant even operate a TV remote! 😦 No gadget is safe wen i am around.
I mean except tha basics i hardly know anything. On n off swiches. volume. And program buttons. That’s all. Same with comps. heh heh heh He used to say u r a techie’s GF and u r such a DODO with technology. Our house was so full of sophisticated gadgets. I mean we had 3 comps at home,2 tvs! If that was not enuf, Ashi bought a new comp. A new desk to go with it. And a new tv! Thankfully we had exchanged the old TV. so we were left only with 2 TVs! 🙂 Oh and the list isnt over. We had 5 yes 5 pendrives! 2 digital cameras. 2 webcams! 4 heaven’s sake it was like i was in a techie dept of a store.
We used to have our fights. BIG and small both! But i must admit he was a darling. He took so good care of me. Very caring guy. 🙂
Achcha in the last part of the song where they r having a conversation is so funny yet so true! I rememeber how we used to have similar fights. Sometimes we used to fight 4 no good reason just just for some fun. The making up after the fight was the best thing. Though not always. We can both be stubborn. He is more stubborn than i am. So at times wen fights got out of han d, or too serious, it had to be me who had to initiate the peace making process. 🙂 But i really loved the way he used to make up after our fights. I mean i tried to be angry with him but i just cudnt. He had this way of making u feel so loved. so cherished. u just cant remain angry with him for too long. he is too charming.
so the song is remniscent of many things frm my past. Hope u wud enjoy this song as much as i do.
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin Hoti Soch Thi Hai Zyada
Kham Woh Samajh Thi Hai
Soch Thi Hai Zyada
Kham Woh Samajh Thi Hai
Dil Kuch Kehta Hai
Kuch Aur Hi Karti Hai
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin HotiSoch Thi Hai Zyada
Kham Woh Samajh Thi Hai
Dil Kuch Kehta Hai
Kuch Aur Hi Karti Hai
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Pyaar Usse Bhi Hai Magar Shuruaat Tumhi Se Chahe
Khudh Mein Ulji Ulji Hai Par Bhaalo Ko Suljaayein
I Mean You’re All The Same Yaar
Hum Achche Dost Hai Par Uss Nazar Se Tumko Dekha Nahin
Woh Sab To Teek Hai Par Uss Barein Mein Maine Socha Nahin
Sab Se Alag Hai Tum Yeh Keh Ke Paas Tumhaare Aaye
Aur Kuch Din Mein Tum Mein Alag Sa Kuch Bhi Na Usko Paiye
Uff Yeh Kaisi Shirt Pehnthe Ho
Yeh Kaise Bhaal Khatathe Ho
Ghaadi Tehz Chalathe Ho
Tum Jaldi Mein Kyo Khaathe Ho
Gimme A Break
Tumhe Badalne Ko Paas Woh Aati Hai
Tumhe Mitaane Ko Chaal Bichati Hai
Baaton Baaton Mein Tumhe Pasathi Hai
Pehle Hasathi Hai… Phir Bada Rulaati Hai
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Ladki Kyon Na Jaane Kyon Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Eh Itna Hi Khudh Se Khush Ho To Peeche Kyon Aate Ho
Phool Kabhi To Hazar Thofein Akhir Kyon Laaten Ho
Apna Naam Nahin Bataya Aapne
Coffee Peene Chalenge
Main Aapko Ghar Chod Doon
Phir Kab Milenge
Bikhra Bikhra Be Matlab Sa Toota Phoota Jeena
Aur Kehte Ho Alag Se Hai Hum Taan Ke Apna Seena
Bheega Tolya Kahin Farsh Pe
Toothpaste Ka Dakhan Kahin
Kal Ke Mauze Ulat Ke Pehne
Waqt Ka Khuch Bhi Hosh Nahin
Jeena Ka Tumko Dang Sikhlati Hai
Tumhe Jaanwar Se Insaan Banaati Hai
Uske Bina Ek Pal Rehna Sakhoge Tum
Usko Pata Hai Yeh Keh Na Sakhoge Tum
Iss Liye Ladkiya Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Iss Liye Ladkiya Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Jaane Kaun Kaun Se Din Woh TumkoYaad Dilaayein
Pyaar Ko Chahe Bhool Bhi Jaayein
Taareeqein Na Bhoolayein
First March Ko Nazar Milaayee
Chaar April Ko Main Milne Aayee
Ikees May Ko Tumne Chuwa Tha
Che June Mujhe Kuch Hua Tha
Ladko Ka Kya Hai Kissi Bhi Mor Pe Woh Mur Jaayein
Abhi Kissi Ke Hai Abhi Kissi Aur Se Woh Jud Jaayein
Tumhaare Mummy Daddy Ghar Par Nahin Hai
Great… Main Aaa Jaon?
Tumhaari Friend Akeli Ghar Jaa Rahi Hai
Bechari… Main Chod Aaon
Uff
Ek Haan Kehne Ko Kitna Dehlati Hai
Thak Jaate Hai Hum Woh Jee Behlati Hai
Woh Sharmati Hai Kabhi Chupati Hai
Ladki Jo Haan Kehde Usse Nibhati Hai
Iss Liye Ladkiya Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Iss Liye Ladkiya Ladko Si Nahin Hoti
Na Na Na…
Iss Liye Ladkiya Ladko Si Nahin Hoti (Ladki Kyon… Oh God)
Iss Liye Ladkiya Ladko Si Nahin Hoti (Na Na Na Na, Oh God Shut Up…)
Alright Alright Iss Mein Jagadne Ki Kya Baat Hai Yaar
Pehle Pehle Bawarein Jaise Aas Paas Mand Rai (Arre… But I)
Phir Busy Hoon Kehkar Tumko Woh Tarkai (Come On Rhea)…
Samjha Karo Darling Aaj Bohat Kaam (Arre… Meri Bhi To Suno)
Door Hua To Kya Dil Mein Tumhaara Naam Hai (Oh… wow)
Jiss Chehre Par Marte Hai Woh Boring Ho Jaaye (I’m Not Listening To You)
Kuch Hi Din Mein Nazrein Inki Idhar Udhar Mand Rai (I’m Not Listening To You)
Sirf Pyaar Se Zindagi Nahin Chalti (OK I’m Not With Her)
Tum Interior Decoration Ka Course Kyon Nahin Karti
No I am not sad. Neither am i depressed. I am not feeling anything. Is that possible?! But it feels so. There is this void in me.
I was sitting quietly. And all of a sudden, the haunting words of the song “tere bin” echoed in my mind. I didnt pay too much attention to it. I have promised myself that i shall not wallow in my grief. So there i was trying my best to get the song out of my mind. I have been trying to get rid of it for the past few day but as usual i was unsuccessful.
Here i am now, i finally gave in the temptation to listen to the song once. But once was enough to break the dam of memories down. The questions , the anguish , the heartache, all came rushing back to me. This song makes me weep uncontrollably. Evevry line wrenches my heart out. How dare I live a life without him? I have promised myself to him. i have pledged my body, my mind, my heart, my soul,my life to him. He was my world. He was the reason for my living. I have loved only one man in my life. and it was him! I strongly believe that love happens only once. True love, that is. It’s a once in a lifetime phenomenon. It doesnt happen twice. N it wont happen at least not in my life. The intensity, the depth of my feelings cant be matched. It saddens me to think that i am unable to love with the same intensity as i loved him. But I am glad that the ravages of time wont diminish my feelings for him. That he would always be there in my heart. U can move out from my life, Ashi. But u cant stop me from loving u. neither can u take my memories away from me. U cant press “delete” and erase traces of u from my mind, from my life.
I hope/ wish that someday our paths will cross and we would meet again. Rushing towards our respective destinations and suddenly out of nowhere we would meet. serendipity… I love this word. We would meet. Again…
it’s that time of the year again. yeah monsoon’s here. and i am missing u as hell. i keep wishing u were here with me. cuddled close to me. enjoying the rain.
I kept thinking abt u as i watched the rain thru the windows. i didnt feel like getting up n get drenched out in the rain. though i wanted to. but there was a lack. and i realized it was u. it wasnt the same without u.
it’s funny how u tend to associate things with someone. little things u never knew u r associating with a particular person, until that person is away. and u realize that u have been so involved with that person that u have started associating little things with that person.
In my case, i have loads of songs which remind me of him. every time i go to CCD i dont order a particular kind of coffee which i used to drink wen He was with me. And it was suppossed to be my fav cold coffee. anyway, love’s like that only.
Do u think of me, Ashi? Do u think abt me wen it rains? Do u think of me wen u hear a song which i liked a lot or one which we both liked one? Do u dance on our tunes? Do u think of me ever?
I wish u did. not often. but at least sometimes. dont little things remind u of me? u r so deeply embedded in my mind. i just cant get rid of ur memories.
All i can say, and again i am taking the help of a gazal to say wat i wish to say to u, ashi… yes, kash kabhi yun bhi ho…
Dariya Ka Saahil Ho, Poore Chaand Ki Raat Ho
Aur Tum Aao, Kabhi Yoon Bhi To Ho
Pariyon Ki Mehfil Ho, Koi Tumhari Baat Ho
Aur Tum Aao, Kabhi Yoon Bhi To Ho
Ye Naram Mulaayam Thandi Hawaayen, Jab Ghar Se Tumhaare Guzre
Tumhari Khushbo Churaayen, Mere Ghar Le Aayen, Kabhi Yoon Bhi To Ho
Sooni Har Mehfil Ho, Koi Na Mere Saath Ho
Aur Tum Aao, Kabhi Yoon Bhi To Ho
Ye Baadal Aise Toot Ke Barse, Mere Dil Ki Tarah Milne Ko,
Tumhara Dil Bhi Tarse, Tum Niklo Ghar Se, Kabhi Yoon Bhi To Ho
Tanhaai Ho Dil Do, Boonde Hon Barsaat Ho Aur Tum Aao.
I am all dreamy eyed today. I donno y. but suddenly i feel this huge tide of love sweeping me off my feet.
I feel so much love for Him. My poor baby is down with fever. he has cold n cough n a very bad throat. i felt like weeping wen i heard him last nite on phone. I felt so miserable. i wish i was there so that i cud do something for him.
Oh god!! I never knew love makes u so vulnerable. i felt so helpless. I cudnt see him suffer that way. i felt tears brimming my eyes.
I love him too much to see him sad/ suffering. He is my life. I know we cant be anything more than frnds. But that doesnt stop me frm loving him like a crazy fool that i am. I love him n wud do anything to make him happy.
Get well soon, baby. Miss u loads my sweet untidy disorganised bhalu. 🙂
I am feeling blue. His thoughts always make me melancholic. I donno wat to do abt it. Just cant get rid of my memories. This is not healthy. I shudnt be stuck in the past. Why cant i let things go? Why am i holding on to a past which is dead n gone. Oh God! pls set me free. I cant live without him. i cant live with him. Wat a pitiful state of affairs. Yeah, an affair. It was an affair to remember.
I miss u loads, sweetheart. This slow painful death , u r aware of every moment tht passes by. U r tortured by ur own loneliness. There is this gloomy air surrounding the house since u left, Ashi. I am trapped in the vicious circle of timelessness. Ppl around me r moving ahead with time. But i am still standing at the very juncture u had left me.This is so incredible. There is nothing bet us anymore. No contact. No communication. Nothing at all to remind me of ur existence in my life. yet somehow i feel myself bound to u. There is this invisible force which keeps pulling me towards u. There was something magnetic abt u. I always felt tht.
I wish u had cared abt me a little. I wish had loved me a little. U killed our relationship with ur very two hands. U didnt let it die its natural death. i knew it had to end in nothingness. Yet i wanted to live on as long as fate had allowed us to be 2gether.This relationship was fated to be doomed even b4 it began. It was never meant to be. It just happened. None of knew how it happened. I still donno how or why it happened. All i remember is us meeting everyday. talking for hours. And then one fine day i realized i was in love with u. i wanted to break away then. Becoz i knew it was impossible. I still had some common sense left in my head. But then u refused to let me go. I remember u were dining out with ur frnds wen i had called u to let u know tht we cudnt go on 2gether any more. Tht i must go away. Away frm u. Coz i cudnt be with u. i knew if i de cided to stay back it wud mean only one thing-Heartache. And yes i was right. i wish u hadnt stopped me then. I wish u hadnt said wat u did then. i wish i cud turn back the time. I wish i had been stronger n not allowed emotions clamour my mind. I wish u hadnt swept me off my feet. I wish we were still together. I wish U had loved me, Ashi. I wish u had, baby.
Shaam Se Aankh Mein Namin Si Hai
Aaj Fir Aapki Kami Si Hai
Dafan Kar Do Hamein Ki Saans Mile
Nabz Kuch Der Se Thami Si Hai
Waqt Rehtha Nahin Kahin Chupkar
Iski Aadat Bhi Aadmi Si Hai
Koi Rishtha Nahin Raha Fir Bhi
Ek Tasleem Laazmi Si Hai
Ppls around me r trying to play match maker. I am not interested,they know it loud n clear. Still they just dont give up. it’s getting fanatic. Suddenly ppl r rushing in with proposals of marriage. Isnt 21 too young to get married? i mean is completion of graduation marks the onset of marriage proposals? And with the way ppl around me going crazy trying hard/best to see me off married to some chap who is either a doctor, or computer engineer and very importantly an NRI! Wats with this NRI tag? I mean doesnt nice guys exist in this country anymore? Do we need to import them frm abroad? I donno y ppl r so taken up with a NRI groom.
My mom is getting worried. She thinks if i continue to say no to proposals around me i wud have no guy left to get married to. I am being bombed by proposals left right n centre. Realtives i dont remmeber seeing r calling my mum up, telling them abt this nice guy, who wud be perfect 4 me. Yeah right!
While all this fiasco is going around me, a thought flashed into my mind tht someday i wud have to get married. Not 4 myself but becoz my parents expect me to get married n settle down with someone. I realized tht i wud get married n … And Ashi, he wont do a single thing to try n avert it. He wont do anything except sit quiet n see me get married to someone else. Perhaps becoz he doesnt care enuf for me. If he had he wud have done something abt it a long time ago. I also realised something else. I realised tht i wudnt be able to forget Ashi ever. Tht i wudnt be able to love the man i marry completely. There wud always a part of him which he cant have access to. I can never be someone truly. I feel like a cheat. I know wat i wud be doing is wrong. Thst y i dont want to get married to. i dont wanna ruin someone’s life. This poor chap might have some dreams some expectations which i wont be able to fulfill.
i wish Ashi was bold enuf to take some concrete steps. But then i think he never cared 4 me enuf. Y wud he go against the world? Why? I never meant anything to him. It was me all along. I thought it was serious. I thought tht all this meant something.
Cant get enough of the song. i am writing with tears in my eyes. This song touches something deep in my heart. This song is afavourite for personal reasons. I can relate to every words thts been sung in the song. Ei raat, koto raat tomar aar aamar chilo, ASHI. Sudhu dujoner.
My fav line is “TUMI ACHO, AAMI ACHI TAI”. It means the reason for my being is the existence of ur being. I exist coz of u. And yes it’s true. And i know i will die the day, i lose him 4ever to someone else.
Pls let me die in his arms, God. I cant live without Him, he is my world. HE is my life. Dont let me live without him. Pl pls make him love me too. A lill if not more… love me a lill, Ashi.
Conversation Among The Ruins 